I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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