My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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