I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
