i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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