I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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