Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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