I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
