My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
