Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
