Who did Billy Mays play for?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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