I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
