Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
