I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
