dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
