I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
