we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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