my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
