Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
