fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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