i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
