he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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