Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
