I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
