The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
