It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it glows. i had to have it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
