I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
