sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
