I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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