yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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