i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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