I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
