Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
