Cold hands, warm shart.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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