Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
