You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
