The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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