There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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