Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
