i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
