Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
