Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
