Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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