so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
