Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
