Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
