I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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