I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
