mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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