Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
