He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
