I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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