a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
