Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
