Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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